My eight-year-old son brought up the dreaded question last night. I’ve explained this phenomenon before, but unfortunately kids need different forms of information as they age. I gave him the short run-down (again) but my narrative was followed by the inevitable slew of questions.
Kid: What if you had another baby?
Me: I'm not.
Kid: But what if you did?
Me: The world would implode... I mean, don't worry about it. I'm not.
Kid: But so where do you get babies?
Me: Costco. Or in your case, Target. Target has everything, right?
Kid (glaring at me): Mom!
Me: Remember your book? From Mommies and Daddies.
Kid: But how?
Me: Well, people have to have sex.
Kid: What???? Oh my God!
Me (nodding): Yes. It’s true.
I then gave him a unnecessarily lengthy description of IVF in the vain hope that his interest in science would distract him from further interrogation.
Kid: So which one did you do to have me? Sex or the other one?
Me: I did not have IVF.
Kid (look of hysteria and disbelief crossing his face): Did YOU have SEX?
Me (clearing my throat): Um… yes.
Kid (thinking for a moment): Just that one time?
Me (pondering various four-letter words, then pausing way too long): That’s private.
Kid: Oh my god!